If the 2016 election proved something, it’s that anyone has a chance of becoming a President of the United States of America according to the politics betting odds (as in the Chief of Staff, not a member of the alternative rock band), provided they have the bank account and moral fiber of Scrooge McDuck, and as long as the electoral college keeps picking the guy that actually lost the election. That means that there are a lot low cards in the hand that will be dealt in 2020. Below are some of the political betting hopefuls.
Donald Trump. The Donald has pretty good odds of being reelected, unless Chris Walken – or at the very least Anthony Michael Hall –
decides to play Johnny Smith in real life.
Mike Pence. The current vice-president who when asked about evolution once said “I believe with all my heart that God created the heavens and the earth, the seas and all that’s in them. How he did that I’ll ask him about some day.” Ask him about the hot dogs and buns thing while you’re at it.
Elizabeth Warren. The senior United States Senator from Massachusetts, who has said that “the people … didn’t send me to Washington to roll over and play dead while Donald Trump … crush the working people of our Commonwealth and this country.” You go, girl.
Caroline Kennedy. The only surviving child of JFK and Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis, niece of Robert F. Kennedy and Ted Kennedy, and older sister of JFK Jr. One could say politics run in her blood, but one could also say that particular blood has a tendency to be spilled.
Joe Biden. The former Veep could have good offshore online gambling odds, but didn’t they make him ambassador to the Moon or something?
Cory Booker. The junior United States Senator from New Jersey who “abstains from alcohol,” “has no known vices or addictions,” is a vegetarian, and “has expressed his vegan ethical philosophy and advocacy for animals.” Yeah, a woman already ran for president.
Hillary Clinton. Speaking of which, the candidate who actually won the 2016 election should have good offshore bookmaking odds next time.
Kamala Harris. How awesome would it be if Kamala ran for president? Kim Chee could be his running mate, and his whole platform would be about head-butting crime and splashing Putin from the top rope. What? This isn’t Jim ‘Kamala’ Harris, the Ugandan Giant? Oh, well.
Paul Ryan. The current Speaker of the United States House of Representatives, a firm believer in Ayn Rand, P90X, and Roman Catholicism.
Bernie Sanders. Eh, dunno. Now, Larry David as Bernie Sanders would probably win by a landslide.
Rex Tillerson. Threatening to become the next Secretary of State, and whose favorite movie is probably From Russian with Love.
Amy Klobuchar. Named by The New York Times as one of the seventeen women most likely to become the first female POTUS. Which might help he offshore bookmaking odds as well.
Andrew Cuomo. The 56th Governor of New York who during his first term legalized same-sex marriage and toughened gun control. Regardless of his offshore online gambling odds, he might not be very popular in red states.