Rockers Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley of KISS have Nothin’ to Lose if they bet on Arena Football League. They Sure Know Something because they chose Los Angeles instead of Detroit Rock City. LA’s previous AFL franchise The Avengers gave up the ghost in 2009 and were probably buried in a KISS Kasket. Unfortunately, the team has fared about as well as the KISS Demon did in the old WCW. The LA KISS finished 3-15 in their debut season of 2014 and 4-14 last season, and ended as the lowest scoring and second lowest scoring team in each respective season. If only they had Gene Simmons’s scoring prowess.
Apparently Stanley and Simmons believe Arena Football team owners are elected officials because they made a new batch (or rather the same) of campaign promises this year – this time, a coach (Omarr Smith replacing Bob McMillen) who was inducted into the AFL Hall of Fame the same year KISS were inducted in the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame, and proven quarterback Nathan Stanley (not related to Paul). Those are a few of the surprises the LA KISS unveiled at their season-opening press conference which, as already mentioned, didn’t differ much from last season’s introduction, but KISS remain convinced that the third time’s the charm. After all, it took them three albums to come up with a true hit in Rock ‘n’ Roll All Nite.
“I’m so excited to be here,” Smith, who may have had hired Mcmillen’s speechwriter, said. “We had a heck of a training camp and we’ll be ready.” “It’s an honor to be a part of the L.A. KISS family,” Stanley added. “Coach Smith and I go way back.” Stanley will have one of the AFL’s top receivers to in Donovan Morgan, who was second in the league last season in receiving yards and tied for the lead in receiving touchdowns. Smith inherits the position filled last year by Adrian McPherson and five other guys. A revolving door policy? At least that’s consistent with KISS’ lead guitarist and drummer slots.
The one promise the face-painting Creatures of the Night didn’t make – and the one bound to come true no matter what – is that 2016 will be the franchise’s most successful year ever, even if they suck harder than KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park. In fact, the LA KISS already has a guaranteed spot in the AFL playoffs this season, regardless of win/loss record – as do the 7 other teams that comprise the league this year, which makes the regular season a complete waste of time and has you wondering why they don’t skip it altogether and go straight to the playoffs. Well, at least it will be good for some sports gambling.